The seeker

I’ve been wanting to name my supporters for some time and what’s always stuck with me is Seekers. This is because my name, Talibah means seeker of knowledge and I feel like the people that find me and stick around are seekers. They aren’t people simply dancing on the surface, they are swimming in the deep end, flying in the ether on discovery mode, logging what they find. 

That’s a little dramatic, but it feels true.

Anywho, this is a soft launch of seekers, feedback welcome.

On another note, my spirit sister Teal invited me on an early morning walk in the park last week. As we walked through the trees, I just started crying. I’ve been giving so much to my career that I haven’t been pouring into taking care of myself the way I want to. My home reflects it, my movement routine reflects it and overall I’m feeling a bit scattered mentally. However, my marriage is thriving, my album is bumping and I look fabulous every day. This dichotomy is communicating to me that there is room for improvement in my routine or lack thereof. I still haven’t found balance since I’ve started doing Arts and Culture organizing in Memphis. So I’m sleeping later because I’m working more, my diet is less planned and I’m drinking a lot of coffee. 

I want to slow down to work smarter instead of harder. I have no desire to work harder but I do want to accomplish more in a day. Now is the time to activate my tools. So when my sister invited me to walk, it let me know that she’s been nurturing her routine and was inviting me in, not knowing she was showing up embodying a divine nudge for me. She always does that. My friends tend to be my evidence that God loves me and she has been proof for decades. I’m grateful for that because what came to me was the realization that I’ve been back in my head and out of my body. She was THE MESSAGE embodied. 

I write these songs not because I have figured things out but because I’m seeking, I’m learning and I have moments and periods of complete clarity. I have waxing and waning wisdom. Sometimes I’m a praying mantis and sometimes I’m a street cat, ya know? Balance. 

I’ve been in prayer, so my language with God and my benevolent ancestral guides is up to date and crystal clear. For this, I am thankful. When the spirit is talking, I’m listening. I’m responding, reiterating and remembering. Right now, I am remembering to take walks, run and keep up with my ab routine. I’m remembering to meditate on the days between the assigned prayer calls and to write even when I’m not writing songs. I’m more than my work. There is value in me simply enjoying my life, seeking pleasure and relaxation. I don’t have to fill every day to the brim, I have to and should say no sometimes. 

Busyness does not equate fulfillment. In fact, busyness is communicating to me now an imminent shift that I welcome to shake my shit up without fuckin my shit up if you know what I mean. I want and welcome change. I want and welcome increase as I slow down. I want and welcome more walks, meditations, deep breaths, slow meals, long projects, lazy days, post read naps and tea time. I want to get back in my body. I allow myself to prioritize care no matter the deadlines and I know I deserve at least that. May no fear of failure stop me from embodying love with myself as the primary beneficiary of the practice. amen.